I started working for myself around 10 years ago, and though I wanted to build something sustainable and successful, that's not what happened.
Instead, I became a business nomad, wandering through the fields and forests of many different businesses. I've tutored kids, playing math games and teaching them vowel sounds. I've built websites for a handful of clients, written click-bait articles, made online courses, done some coaching...but I haven't created a business that's enduring.
I deeply want to build an audience by writing and creating. My dream is to be able to make courses and put out coaching offerings, and to know that I have people on the other end, ready and excited to work with me.
Even though I enjoy learning about different things and dabbling, I'm tired of being a nomad. I just want to be able to put down my metaphorical backpack, to plant a garden and to watch it grow.
But I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I will plant it in the wrong place. That I will build a business I don't want or end up walking away from.
I know that part of why I'm in this position is because I've never been brave enough to create what I want. I've always followed the advice of the "business gurus" to ask other people what they want, which has led me to do things I don't truly enjoy, and to offer things I didn't feel were mine to offer.
So I guess my question is two-fold.
One, how do I build a lasting business? And two, how do I summon up the courage to build it the way I want to, to offer what feels exciting for me?
I know I have it in me to do this, but I've never done it before.
Business Nomad Who Wants a Home
Dear Business Nomad Who Wants a Home,
Thank you for this deep and nuanced question.
I did a Past/Present/Future pull to help examine where you've been and where you're going. This reading is a bit different because it's not about external events in the past, present, and future. Instead, it's how your guides would like you to think about the past, present, and future.
In the past position, we have Wheel of Fortune.
This card reminds us that we are not alone in the world - that lots of other things are happening all around that we may not be aware of.
It feels like a message that your wandering didn't happen in isolation. It seems like you are judging yourself for not settling roots into the soil and building something lasting, but this card reminds you that you don't have control over as much as you think. Part of your wandering was likely your choice and your personality, but part of it was due to outer circumstances. You can let go of wishing for something different in your past. You couldn't control your path then, and you can't change it now.
Wheel of Fortune also reminds us that we don't have the full picture. All we see is our tiny corner of the world. So maybe you were meant to wander. Maybe your wandering had a purpose you're not aware of. Zoom out, let go, and give yourself a nice dose of compassion.
In the present position, Queen of Swords is here to offer her wisdom, and her swords.
Swords are words, thoughts, and stories. The Queens are feminine, receptive energy, and they're also confident, loving, and majestic. Putting these themes together, we see that the Queen of Swords is a confident user of words, a receptive storyteller, a kind thinker. She uses her words to set loving boundaries, both internally and externally.
In this present moment, you are invited to reshape your inner stories with the confident, loving gaze of the Queen of Swords. If you were this strong queen, would you say that you didn't build anything lasting? Or would you say that you picked up tools and skills without which you could not build the business you want to build?
Would you tell yourself that you are a failure because you didn't plant a forest? Or would you look back at the wildflowers you planted, and notice how you added beauty to the paths you tread?
If you want to start a business that you actually want to grow, you need to plant it in the rich soil of self-compassion and self-kindness. The Queen of Swords is here to help you change your inner story so that whatever business you create will flourish.
In the future position, Six of Swords is here to support you.
Six of Swords is about journeying from one place to another. I love this depiction because it shows how scary this journey can be. You can't even see the ground below the bridge - you just have to trust that you will make it across.
In order to begin building a business, you have to let go of the requirement that it be lasting, that it be IT. Yes, you can make a plan and be smart about how you start your business. You can build a sturdy bridge. But when it comes down to it, you will just have to walk across that bridge and trust that it will hold you.
Six of Swords invites you to trust yourself enough to begin planting your business. All of your past experiences have given you resilience, but they've also made you hesitant. This time, I need to do it right, you think. But Six of Swords is asking you to cross the bridge without knowing what's on the other side. It's telling you that there is no way to do it right. You just have to do it.
Business Nomad Who Wants a Home, I want you to have a home, too. But maybe the home you're craving isn't a lasting business - maybe it's a strong inner foundation. Maybe it's an internal structure build on self-compassion and trust that you can rely on no matter what happens with your business.
As a creative and an entrepreneur, you will be crossing lots of bridges. You will have to try lots of things and fail and succeed and rinse and repeat (just like you've been doing for the past 10 years).
The best thing you can nurture is your own resilience. And from your letter, I'm guessing that even though you haven't built a lasting business yet, you've created a deep well of resilience that will serve you well in your next endeavor.
I hope it's the garden you've been dreaming of.